On my mind

There are many things on my mind as I enter into a new month: finances, music, relationships, career, etc. I am trying not to let it all bog me down this morning. Today, I will focus a little on music/career and leave it at that. I am in that place where everything is fairly consistent, the kudos is coming in drips and drabs and yet I am a little bit afraid. Afraid that I'm not doing enough work, afraid that the only kudos I'll ever get is from people who will only ever hire me as a choral singer (which is not so bad - at least I'm getting work).
Someone last week told me that I had the best & most interesting voice they'd heard in a long time. He's someone a greatly respect as a musician and I hope to get to work with him in a solo capacity someday soon. For now, it's in a choral capacity, which suits me just fine. As long as I get to work with him. But it still makes me wonder: will these people who tell me these things ever use me as a soloist? Will I forever be stuck as a choral singer? I don't want that yet, although it is something I would consider when I've finished making the stab at being on my own on stage.
I look at people who are my age and working singers (soloists) and think, that's where I want to be. What is it going to take to get me there? I always feel as if I need to work harder. I always know that if I had more money, I could afford more lessons and more coachings. But those things are not existent, at least not right now. They will come, I know. I have to know. I also know that my time off has hurt me a little, so I have to work even harder, even with a daytime job. Sometimes, it all seems just a bit overwhelming, but I know I have to persevere.
I've had a theory for a long time that female singers who are single and come from not so well-to-do families have it even tougher. I survey working singers on occasion and find that most are married and/or come from families with money. And yet I know there must be another way. There must be a way of survival for those of us who have not found that perfect person or have that perfect family. (financially-speaking, of course). My friends and I joke occasionally about finding a sugar daddy, but in all honesty, I've always known that I can't base my criteria for finding a relationship on money.
Which brings me to another topic: relationships. I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about how I allow situations to happen in dating that make me less than happy. Although I've not cracked the code completely, I have decided this: I no longer want to expend my energy on seeing people that don't want to at least explore a more serious avenue. I would finally like to date someone who wants to see what the endless possibilities might be and until then, I need to use that energy on more useful things: like singing and selling wine. The fact is, I sing better when I'm not tied up in someone's drama and that's the honest truth.

Well, that was all a little scattered today, but it was on my mind.