She wasn't really my patron in the true sense of the word. Yes, she helped me out financially on occasion, specifically in reference to my opera career, but more than that, once I moved to NYC to renew the career drive, she anchored me with stories of operas she attended in the "golden age," with conversations about what we did and didn't like about the current productions (that she was mostly seeing on HD or listening to on the radio), and with my updates of how my career was going. ("it's still hard, but I have an agent now, which has made things a little easier").
I think the last conversation about opera that we had was about how I was starting to look at some Wagner, and even Tosca perhaps. And how she was frustrated that the Met broadcast station in her part of Florida had recently changed to a different format. (I was frantic to try and find a way of playing broadcasts for her). She was never effusive about her support for me, but I knew she was proud. The last time she saw me perform was probably my senior recital, but because she stopped flying early on, I always sent her recordings when I had them. I was particularly proud of my Ellen Orford, even though she confessed that it wasn't her favorite opera. (this makes me remember the time that we had an extensive conversation the year that the Met's new production came out and how we both really disliked it. Even though she didn't LOVE Britten, she had come to admire the old production with Vickers, which she went to when it premiered).
When my aunt and I packed up the apartment after she died last week, I didn't even have to ask if I was privy to taking the opera CD and DVD collection (and books). Of course it was mine. She would have wanted me to have it.
And yet, I find it strange that I've only sung once since she passed. I guess, in time, I'll find the right moment. For now, it's hard. I want to sing for her funeral, but I just can't bring myself to, which I know is alright. I'll be singing in my head, at least. :) It's a little odd, but dealing with her death had brought me a renewed vigor, I think. I want to make her proud, I want to look at her life and realize that there's no room for being idle, being lazy, or making excuses. It may sound cheesy, but it's true. She would have wanted me to.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
An entire year
This is my official attempt to getting back to writing on this thing. I can't guarantee it will work, but I can certainly try.
2010 was an eventful year, to say the least. It wasn't necessarily fantastic, but it wasn't horrible. On my second year with an agent and basically my second year with a new teacher, the music business was educationa, but less than fruitful. I had a few decent gigs, a few really great auditions (great as in, the right companies to sing for), but not a lot of feedback. I won't go into the requisite bitching about my agent not getting me the right auditions (and believe me, I don't just rely on the agent to do stuff for me: I bust my own butt because that's just what you have to do), but I will say that I think the business in 2010 in general was just sucky. Yep, that's right, sucky. Even singers at a higher level with high-power agents couldn't even necessarily get consistent work or auditions this year, or at least what they keep telling me.
I'm also venturing into a slightly heavier fach, and learning more about singing than I have since I started college, so I'm sure that factors in there somewhere. No offense to any prior teachers, but why has it taken me this long to really learn how to sing? And I mean, really learn technically, pedagogically, larygogically, etc, etc. Oy. Maybe I wasn't ready until now. Or maybe now that I've grown into the rep that is really me, it's when the technique really kicks in. Who knows? What I do know is that I love it, and I hope that it finds me that niche that I've needed to find.
Now all I need is for people to take a chance on me...take a chance on a singer who has the experience, but doesn't have all the perfect companies, all the perfect competitions, all the perfect programs. At least I've decided that this is the year NYCO will hear me. They don't know that yet, but they will. ;-)
On a more personal note, the bf and I moved in together almost one whole year ago next month. It's been an interesting ride, considering we both came from living alone for a long time, and are not spring chickens anymore. It took us a while to get used to having someone around all the time, dealing with the little quirks that come from having anyone as your roommate, and the general foibles that come from learning each others' living habits. It's not perfect, by any means, but we love each other, our home, our cats and our Astoria neighborhood, so that can't be all bad. Now we just need to come up with a new name for ourselves - partner sounds so clinical, boyfriend/girlfriend sounds so high school, and we're not the marrying type, so wife/husband doesn't work. For now, we'll settle on concubine. (look up the definition; you'll be surprised to find that it doesn't necessarily mean what you think it means).
2010 was an eventful year, to say the least. It wasn't necessarily fantastic, but it wasn't horrible. On my second year with an agent and basically my second year with a new teacher, the music business was educationa, but less than fruitful. I had a few decent gigs, a few really great auditions (great as in, the right companies to sing for), but not a lot of feedback. I won't go into the requisite bitching about my agent not getting me the right auditions (and believe me, I don't just rely on the agent to do stuff for me: I bust my own butt because that's just what you have to do), but I will say that I think the business in 2010 in general was just sucky. Yep, that's right, sucky. Even singers at a higher level with high-power agents couldn't even necessarily get consistent work or auditions this year, or at least what they keep telling me.
I'm also venturing into a slightly heavier fach, and learning more about singing than I have since I started college, so I'm sure that factors in there somewhere. No offense to any prior teachers, but why has it taken me this long to really learn how to sing? And I mean, really learn technically, pedagogically, larygogically, etc, etc. Oy. Maybe I wasn't ready until now. Or maybe now that I've grown into the rep that is really me, it's when the technique really kicks in. Who knows? What I do know is that I love it, and I hope that it finds me that niche that I've needed to find.
Now all I need is for people to take a chance on me...take a chance on a singer who has the experience, but doesn't have all the perfect companies, all the perfect competitions, all the perfect programs. At least I've decided that this is the year NYCO will hear me. They don't know that yet, but they will. ;-)
On a more personal note, the bf and I moved in together almost one whole year ago next month. It's been an interesting ride, considering we both came from living alone for a long time, and are not spring chickens anymore. It took us a while to get used to having someone around all the time, dealing with the little quirks that come from having anyone as your roommate, and the general foibles that come from learning each others' living habits. It's not perfect, by any means, but we love each other, our home, our cats and our Astoria neighborhood, so that can't be all bad. Now we just need to come up with a new name for ourselves - partner sounds so clinical, boyfriend/girlfriend sounds so high school, and we're not the marrying type, so wife/husband doesn't work. For now, we'll settle on concubine. (look up the definition; you'll be surprised to find that it doesn't necessarily mean what you think it means).
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